A Seed of Hope
The seed yet planted
it may be the one
to burst into sprout
the tiny green hope
watched by the discerning eye
not ignored as the yellow
flowers in the garden,
the kale gone to seed
to clear the way
That quadrille (a poem of 44 words) in response to today’s dVerse Poets Pub prompt, feels like a great way to start this week’s adventure in revision. Merril’s prompt “seed” is also a fun tie-in, because it’s a Janus word.
Now that the April challenges have ended and I have over thirty new poems drafted, it’s time to think about revision. Last year in May, I had the same idea. I read a lot of posts and books and started charting my revision process in my poetry notebook. I’m going to attempt to approach each draft as a seed, full of potential.
Here’s what I have come up with thus far:
After letting a poem rest a while, come back to it as if reading someone else’s poem for the first time. What do I like about it? What don’t I like about it?
Here is my review checklist:
- Identify POV, tense, form, voice
- setting, narrative
- themes, moods
- words to mind map
- alternate titles
- highlight the best lines
- mark weak verbs & nouns
- mark areas to expand
- highlight cliche language
- choose what to edit to (theme, idea)
- make notes to guide re-write
Here are some ideas to try while redrafting a poem:
- Choose the best lines and freewrite. Dig down, find the deeper meaning.
- Use the best line as the beginning of a new poem.
- For each line, write its opposite. Search for the turn in the poem.
- Cut each line in half. Write a new beginning and/or ending for each line.
- Write the poem in different POVs and tenses to find the strongest telling.
- Expand, write past the ending. Tighten, to it’s most succinct telling.
- Force into a form, or change from formal form to free verse.
Read the poem aloud. Feel the words in your mouth. Sing it to your favorite songs. Walk to it. Dance to it. Feel the rhythm. Have the computer read it aloud. Highlight anything that doesn’t flow, that doesn’t sound right, anything that feels forced or doesn’t fit.
When you feel ready for some feedback, you might want to try Poetry Free-For-All, an online poetry workshop for poets to exchange critiques. There is a lot of useful information in the forums including A Workshop for One.
I like that poets giving critiques are called critters. It makes me think of the campy horror movies. It’s fun to imagine getting poetry feedback from balls of fur with sharp teeth.
Learn from other poets
The forums of Poetry Free-For-All also include an extensive Recommended Reading list.
You may want to check out the videos at Sounds of Poetry with Bill Moyers.
Take the useful feedback and things you’ve liked from reading and listening to other poets talking about their work and come to your poem again with a fresh, critical eye. Read it aloud until it feels good in your mouth and body while clearly expressing your intended meaning.
I thought it would be fun and useful to take the first poem I wrote this April, since it has had a good rest, and demonstrate each step through the entire process as a series of posts this week.
The poem I wrote on April First was:
Breeding Fruit Flies with Two Different Eyes
An impression arrests the fruit flies in kitchen sinks full of ideas
frozen in mid-irritation, fleeting yet multiplying before your eyes
what indelible marks will topple to the tongue
and adumbrate the growing clutch
Contentment empties the glue of flavor and steals the scissors of artistry
the constant irritation and insatiable hunger
–of those fruit flies, feeding in the sinks–
sketch an impression of furious flight
Refreshment wriggles among the moles under the tent of solitude
having vacated the house with the ideas, but left the kitchen sink to the fruit flies
the dark, fresh-earth tunnels adumbrate new and curious spaces for contemplation
where crawling, not seeing, may nourish new understanding
This poem draft follows a form I created myself that for now I call the Jar and Janus form. I started collecting words in vases last year when I enjoyed the Coursera course Sharpened Visions: A Poetry Workshop with Douglas Kearney for the second time. While working with abstract and concrete nouns, I decided to create vases full of each, to make random connections to spark ideas.
For each stanza of this poem, the form (followed loosely) is:
- Abstract noun+verb+concrete noun+concrete noun+abstract noun
- response to that phrase/idea
- expand on the response in line two including a Janus word
- Use the Janus word to say the opposite, or create a second thought, or point of view
- Repeat for as many stanzas as you like
Now that the draft is created, the form isn’t particularly important, except to remember the Janus words and think about their opposite meanings.
Before we dive into revision, it’s a good idea to focus intention. Why do I want to revise this poem? I want to improve it, of course, but why? And why this poem?
I want to revise this poem because:
- It’s one of the first examples of a form I invented and I want to continue to explore the form.
- I want to take one of April’s poems through revision to work through my revision process. This poem has had the most time to rest.
- I think it’s a good example of my unique poetic voice that I want to continue to develop.
- Though I will be publishing the revised poem here, so it won’t be eligible for journal publication, if I love the results, I may want to include it in a collection.
- Since I plan on developing this form further, what I learn from this revision could be very useful for future poems.
- My main motivation is to learn by doing and share the experience to inform others.
I hope you will join me this week taking a poem through all of the steps of my revision process. In my next post we’ll go through the Review and plan some re-writes.